Hurting while numb

 I am sure you have done it - you sat on your foot and when you go to move, your foot is numb and you don't want to move it because you KNOW what's going to happen - it's going to hurt, the pins and needles are going to kick in and it's not going to feel good at all. But this isn't quite the same, I feel quite numb inside, as I expressed yesterday, a flickering ember, yet at the same time I hurt. It is all at once, I don't get the choice to not move so the hurt doesn't come, I am numb and hurt at the same time.  

Sunday will be 3 months since Steve died, but the way I am feeling it seems like a week.  I felt like I was doing really well, and now I feel like I did in December again.  I know, I know "give yourself grace", "it takes time", "everyone experiences it differently" - I get that, but going through it really stinks!  I never thought it would be easy, but it's so, SO much harder than what I ever thought. If you don't understand it - be thankful, because it means you haven't walked this journey.  But I have to say I am so thankful for those around me.  I got 2 cards recently from congregants, just letting me know they are thinking of and praying for me.  Had dinner with another congregant and one of her first questions was tell me about him and then later said, I want to know how to walk with someone in grief better. My family checks in and friends close and far text or call and see how I am doing. Then had some women over on Thursday and spent time on Friday with some ladies I don't really know. I spent 2 hours on the phone with a college friend that knew I was having a bad day and stayed up late with me. I am ever so thankful that people include me and are still coming around.  I hear stories from others that have no support system, so I am very grateful. 

So even though I hurt while I am numb, I am not so numb to be unaware of the amazing support system I have.  I guess I write to say, one may never know where someone is on their grief journey, so be kind and just like you may say to that person, give yourself grace, offer that same grace as well - we need it.