Our second day of the mini-retreat we looked at parts of John 11 - the death of Lazarus. What struck me - the audacity of Martha and Mary to look at Jesus and say- 'If you had been here'. And in being struck by their audacity I realized its OK to be that raw with Jesus. Sometimes, especially when you are a 'professional' (ie... minister, missionary, church worker...etc) Christian, you don't feel the freedom to be this raw, this bold with Jesus...especially when it's more of a negative statement. If you had been here Jesus, our brother would not have died - was the statement of Mary and Martha...how many times do I want to say 'if you would have been here I would not be sick' or ' if you would have been here my mom wouldn't live in pain' or if you would have been here my boyfriend wouldn't need to be waiting for a transplant'- If you would just be here Jesus... where are you? Why are you not here when it's expected?
- So the first lesson learned - I have the freedom to be this raw with Jesus - He can take it.
The second lesson is that He shows up at the right time. He showed up 'late' according to us, according to Mary and Martha - but just in time for what needed to happen. We get caught up in what we want to happen - and forget about what needs to happen. And in the end many times we realize that what we need is really what we wanted too... it just takes Jesus to show us that.
When in my rawness I say, if you had only been here... I need to remember to follow that up and ask what do you want/need to do? He is going to show up and He is going to reveal Himself in it all and He will be glorified in it all. I may not understand, it may seem completely out of order, it may not make a lick of sense to me... but to Him it is perfect and the best thing for me. I just need to trust that in all that I don't understand or even think is right, He is still good!
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