a human problem

 I was cracked on Sunday evening as I sat and watched The Chosen episode at our Sunday evening gathering.  I say cracked, because it takes a lot to break me...actually, I am still pretty broken, so this was a crack in the process I guess but let me get to what happened. 

Maybe you have watched the episode, Season 5 episode 4.  We are getting down to the hard stuff, it's Jesus' last week before the crucifixion.  He is trying to teach, remind and instill as much as He can to the disciples and those around Him.  We see Judas really grappling with how things are playing out.  Now the scene that got me, is not one that's in the Bible, but it could have easily happened.  Judas comes to find Jesus and they sit down to talk.  Judas is CONVINCED that Jesus needs to step up and overthrow the Roman government, the oppressors, and be king.  Judas says, "You are the Messiah, it's time!"  And Jesus looks him in the eyes and says, " If I don't do whatever big thing you imagine at this time, will you still believe in me?  

Now that's a question we all need to deal with.  If God doesn't do what we think He should do, will we still believe?  Will we still trust Him?  Will it be OK?  Now when you have lost someone, someone you loved more than you thought you could ever love, and you fully believed God could heal, and He didn't -will you still believe?  

Like Judas, and any follower of Christ, we want to quickly respond, "of course I will".  But I believe we may need to sit with that question a little more and not be so quick to jump to the Sunday School answer.  And we also need to know that it is OK to not just throw the "right" answer out there.  It is OK to struggle.  It is OK to not know for sure where your belief lies, or what your beliefs look like at the moment, because God can handle that.  I fully believe that God wants my struggle in belief more than the "right" answer that may not fully represent my heart.  

The conversation in the episode continues with Jesus asking Judas, then why are you suggesting that you know better than I do the next best course of action?  OUCH!  because isn't that what we are doing?  And then Judas gives words to one of the main human problems - Judas responds, I trust you, do You trust me?  Jesus says, what kind of question is that? Judas says a few more things and then says to Jesus - "Why won't you take my advice?" Jesus says, "I never asked for it", and Judas ultimately says "Then what am I here for? 

We humans, it doesn't matter if we are struggling, broken, grieving humans or humans that feel like we have it all together, we are not here to have God trust us or listen to our advice.  He has our purpose and plans figured out, He knows what's best for us, He has no need to trust in His fallen creation, BUT we have every need to trust in Him.  

Jesus finishes His conversation with Judas by saying, You have a choice to make.  Who do you belong to? Who has your heart?  I want it. 

We all have a choice to make.  And those of us that have spent our lives in church and knowing Jesus,  just want to quickly and easily say "I choose Jesus!" Like it's an easy decision.  And on one hand, it is an easy decision, I want to follow and trust Jesus - I want to proclaim, He has my heart!  BUT, we have to wrestle with that first question, If I don't do whatever big thing you imagine at this time, will you still believe?  

Let's get honest - truly, brutally honest!! Saying YES, saying You have my WHOLE heart, isn't as easy as we want it to be, because it goes against our human problem, that we still want our own way, that we want what we want.  BUT the bottom line is that HE has what is best in HIS heart for us.  And even when that may be taking us through the hardest things, things He could have changed but didn't.  

So, will you, will I, still believe?  What I know is that God is a God that can handle our insecurities and our struggles and He would rather us be honest and say - I want to choose You, I want to believe, I know I need to believe - Help me in my unbelief. 

Let's be honest with ourselves, with others and with God.  It is OK, to not be OK and to be struggling.  We all have a human problem, but we have a Savior that loves us and will be patient with us and will help us in our unbelief.  

Does it scare me to write this as a pastor? Do I think it may make people doubt my leadership and my preaching.  If they are reading this with their human problem not dealt with, then yes.  But if people read this being brutally honest with themselves, they will realize they are not alone and be relieved that even their own pastor doesn't even have it all figured out and together, we are all just relying on God to walk with us through all of it, and help us along the way.